It’s Time for funny!
It’s happening again! My beloved comedy troupe, Hahaפuch, is once again bringing the funny and cheap alcohol to Jerusalem. What exactly can you expect: improv, comedy sketches about Israeli life, videos and our special fake news segment. Add to that our musical guest Shira Pruce and Orit Golan and special immigrant guest, as well as Paul Hyams of Bisbari catering who will bring free food with him!
Doors open at 7:30pm so make sure to get there for the cheap stuff and free stuff and grab a good seat. We sold out our last two shows so it’s best to call the box office at 052-603-9115 to reserve tickets. Check out the event on our Facebook group page. And check out our Hummus in a bag video from our February show.
HaHaפuch Comedy Variety Show:
May 13, 2010
Doors open at 7:30pm
The Merkaz Hamagshimim Theater, 7a Dor DorVeDorshav, German Colony, Jerusalem, Israel, the world
NIS 30: Students and soldiers
NIS 35: regular ticket
Beautiful Northern Israel: Ein Hod, Nir Etzion, and Zichron Yaakov
Like I always say when we leave Jerusalem — I love leaving and I love coming back. Living in Jerusalem, for the most part is wonderful with the ancient stones and the Jewish flavor. But at times, I’ve seen one too many ancient ruins and I’m ready to see some greenery and breathtaking views. So we went north. I thought about renting a car, but opted for the 2 hour bus ride instead so we could sit back and relax. Here’s how to use the Egged online bus schedule if you need it. For those who are members of the “I love driving” team, of which I am not, here’s a list of rental car websites in Israel:
Once we arrived in Haifa, we took a short 15 minute bus ride from Haifa to our hotel in Nir Etzion. We stayed in Nir Etzion for a few reasons – it was kosher, it was a good location smack dab between Haifa and Zichron Yaakov and because we had purchased a “deal” from Chufsha Chalomit (Dream Vacation) where you get 3 nights, 4 days (weekdays only) at one of the listed hotels for half price. You also need to pay a separate sum of money for the deal. So in the end, the “frayer (sucker) deal” only saved us a few hundred shekels, but it did get us out of the house and up north.
Nir Etzion
Nir Etzion is a religious Yishuv and feels very much like a kibbutz, with a cow shed and mini zoo (I hesitate to say petting zoo due to the monkeys, anteaters, eagles and other animals I’m not sure I’d like to pet). We were upgraded to a garden room which was like a tzimmer – a ground floor room that looked like our own little cottage. We considered going swimming and asked when the pool is open. They gave us a time sheet with separate men and women’s hours. I whispered to the concierge, feeling naughty, are there mixed swimming times for me and my husband? Yes, of course, we just don’t tell people unless they ask. Scandalous!
But most of all, I looked forward to the all you can eat Israeli breakfast. And Nir Etzion did not disappoint. Breakfast was delicious by the heapfuls, complete with pancakes, 20 different kinds of cheese, croissants, coffee machines, omelettes, and shakshuka to your heart’s desire.
Ein Hod
After we made our bellies happy, we waddled down the road from Nir Etzion to the wonderful Ein Hod artist village tucked away like a well-kept secret. In Ein Hod, you can take an official tour of the village and get access to all the artist’s galleries and participate in pottery and tshirt silkscreening. However, the tour was a little pricey for just the 2 of us (~200 shekels) so we decided to give ourselves a tour and meet artists on our own. We wandered in an out of the winding streets, enjoying the beautiful flowers, sculptures and views and occasionally stumbling across an artist’s gallery.
We met second generation artists who had preserved their father’s easel setup, complete with paints, brushes, and chair. A little creepy if you ask me since it looked like it was set for him to return any second, but very authentic. We met bronze sculptors who told us about their upcoming exhibitions and showed us bulls made out of bronze. And, when we couldn’t get access to the artists themselves, we made sure to peek into their studios at every chance. There was one studio with a broken window, so of course I carefully slipped my hand and camera inside and took this amazing shot of a glassblower’s studio:
The streets were so windy and roundabout, that any time we’d see a sign, we’d follow it until we got to the destination. It didn’t matter much what the sign said, but we knew if we followed it for long enough, we’d eventually end up somewhere. So, one of the signs we followed was to a pottery workshop. Having seen this on the website, I thought it would be fun to make a mug, paint it and take it home. Unfortunately, when we arrived, we were greeted by native English speakers who told us that the workshop is just to make the pottery but you have to leave it there. So you have to pay 40 shekel or so, make pottery, and then leave it. Forget it. So we turned around to start following the signs back to the Ein Hod entrance when the pottery lady told me that there was a small English bookshop next door. I perked up and we frolicked, or at least I did, to the bookshop. Well, I think it may win the award for smallest bookshop ever. It did have a few good books, but in the end I left empty handed.
Unfortunately, Ein Hod, as tourist-friendly as it is, didn’t exactly cater to kosher tourists — there was not a single kosher eatery to be found among the restaurants and coffee shops. Luckily, we had stuffed rolls, yogurts, and pastries in our pockets before leaving the hotel. But if stuffing gooey items in your pocket is not your style, Nir Etzion has a food packaging company where you can get take away.
Zichron Yaakov
15 minutes south of Nir Etzion is Zichron Yaakov, a beautiful, quaint town with a cute-as-a-button midrachov (main pedestrian mall), wineries, and vineyards. And also apparently a Ner-o-mat: yahrtzeit candle vending machines (what?!)
We also took a tour of the Carmel WInery, one of the largest wineries in Israel. I called ahead of time to make reservations to join up with a group tour since we were only 2 people. However, when we arrived, no one else showed up so we had a private tour! We learned so much about how the winery started and what the differences are between wines, and of course got to do a fabulous taste testing. Did you know that red wine can be made from green or purple grapes or both and same for white wine! It’s all just a matter of how long the skin stays on (and a lot more I’m sure, but that’s what I understood).
All in all, a wonderful trip!
What’s your off the beaten path Israel travel recommendation? I’d love to get some ideas for our next trip.
The Holy Crap! Scandal
Fresh off the press former Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is corrupt… This can’t really be news. I mean I’ve known he was corrupt ever since he tried to hide his bald head with that ridiculous comb over. I said, “You can’t hide your comb over and you can’t hide the truth.” And here we are several years later suddenly (please read with a very sarcastic tone) breaking the news that the man is involved in a series of building scandals during his term as mayor of Jerusalem. Come on!! 
First off, it is practically a national law to bribe municipality workers. I would do it if I had money to do it with. But that’s why young couples and students’ demands end up getting ignored by the city. Sure we want affordable housing, but we simply can’t afford to pay off the municipality workers who can make that happen. In fact, current Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat once gave a speech to a crowd of new immigrants expressing his shock when a young entrepreneur had his business shut down because he had not known to bribe the municipality workers. Bribing and power trips are old news.
What is shocking is to read about the other former mayor’s role in the scandal, Uri Lupolianski. I guess it still surprises me to see a super religious Jew fall so far from his holy teachings. Worse, Lupolianski 
allegedly laundered the money through million dollar donations to Yad Sarah, a charity for disabled and elderly people, which he founded in 1976. Is this a modern-religious man’s version of Robin Hood or did he end up pocketing the money and having hair treatments and spa time with Olmert? Time will only tell, since these men are obviously too corrupt to tell the truth.
But for those of us that live in Jerusalem and deal with the daily and disruptive construction (destruction), I think we knew awhile ago that something shady was going down. Or maybe it was just little-cynical-me. It just seemed like the expensive high-rises went up too fast but the pot holes on the streets never seemed to get fixed. In fact, the Holy Land Scandal is predicted to be just the first in a list of scandals. According to investigators the Mamilla mall, YMCA, Cinema City Project and Gilo Uptown project may all be linked to dirty hands.
While I may not be an official city investigator (who may also be accepting bribes by the above
mentioned people), I have my own predictions about Jerusalem scandals. Mainly I believe that Project Light Rail is as dirty as they come- and it’s not from all the digging…The project was also initiated during Olmert’s term and continued on in Lupolianski’s reign. Mayor Barkat even stated that the train was ‘built in sin’. The project never seems to end. For years they have ripped the city streets a part causing painful traffic so that they can build a train that goes from one suburb to another. The rails are not convenient for the average traveler and probably won’t make traveling easier or faster. But will make it more expensive. Between Egged’s monopoly on bus transportation and the evil train, most of us end up walking or paying for a cab (that gets stuck in traffic). You can try the bike route, but since the city never made special bike lines then your simple ride into the city is more like a death march. I’ve done it plenty of times and every time I get off the bike I want to kiss the ground.
So when you read the news about the dirty evil sinful stupid light rail train scandal just know that The Big Felafel broke the story first! As for the other news, there’s nothing new about it.
I heart NIS 5 Ice Coffee- But here’s why
It’s almost summer, but if you’re like me then you’ve been drinking ice coffee (also known as ice cafe or froozen coffee) all year round. However, with the heat about to go up a couple of notches, the ice coffee craze will also make waves of its own.
If you get addicted or simply can’t afford the amounts of delicious goodness you are consuming then let me help you out. If you’re an avid reader of the blog (which clearly every person that reads our blog is) then you’ve heard this spiel before, but now there’s more!
Marzipan, a bakery known for its gooey rugelach has been selling ice coffee for NIS 5 for the past three years. Every summer I worry that they will raise their prices, but I am happy to say that’s never the case. In fact these are some of the smartest Israeli business people I have ever known. Without any advertising and just word of mouth, they have managed to expand their shuk operation to a bigger store and open up a shop just off of Emek Refaim. And now the smartness (is that a word, ironic) continues with the expansion of their ice coffee treat.
Instead of just one ice coffee machine, they’ve now taken over the adjacent stall and opened up a row of machines featuring different flavors from banana (not a fan) to lemon-nana to sweet vanilla. You can even combine the flavors and each cup is filled to the very top. 
This is about as close to a slurpee that we will ever get to! I’ll have to stop writing this now since the mere thought demands that I go out and purchase yet another treaty-treat of ice coffee!
Marzipan I thank you for your continued support in my ice coffee addiction. You’ve allowed me to continue purchasing my favorite drink at a consistent low price and, forced other vendors to lower their ice coffee prices as well. But have no fear my loyalty is to you. I promise I will always drink your ice coffee and sometimes vanilla and a few times lemon-nana and continue to spread the word about your smart business ethics and amazing deal. I only ask that you have the same low price at your Emek Refaim shop where you would no doubt win over the hearts of people forced to pay NIS 18 at the coffee shops throughout the area.
The next sip is on me!
“Olmert said what”- The Eavesdropped Chronicles
In case you missed the big news: former Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has once again made the news, and it’s not because he is now too bald for a comb over (you would think that would at least make it to page six).
No, this time it’s about his close aide, Shula Zaken, that eavesdropped on his phone calls during his term as minister of industry, trade and labor (under then Prime Minister Ariel Sharon). How exactly was this plan masterminded? Well when Olmert was on the phone she would touch her ear to indicate to the secretaries to start eavesdropping and taking notes. Or if she couldn’t get her ear touch on she simply drew a circle on her notebook to cue the girls in. Not really creative but it did work.
However while we the public could only imagine the kind of juicy gossip and incriminating information Zaken must have about Olmert (not to mention the other side of the conversations which include Ariel Sharon and Bibi Netanyahu), she claims she can’t remember what the conversations were about. Of course I don’t believe that this info has been lost both in mental notes and the physical ones tucked away in her notebook, I’ve decided to guess what some of the conversations were about.
“Olmer said what”- The Eavesdropped Chronicles as guessed by Molly
- Olmert talks about his frustration with his comb over. The hairs are getting fewer and his hairstylist refuses to work with the thinning pieces. He’s pissed and venting his frustration to anyone that will listen.
- Olmert talks about his house that he plans to buy for a $1. Like any cheap-Jew he goes on and on about the bargain he’s getting and begs the listener to go with him to the $1 and furnish the house with him.
- Olmert plans another trip to the US quoting prices for the same flights in order to scam rich donors out of their money. The conversations sound almost exactly the same but just have different people’s name in it.
- Olmert talks to Sharon about becoming the then Prime Minister’s #2 (not the toilet kind) when forming the new party Kadima. They plan their announcement and Olmert suggests that with the new change maybe Sharon should lose a few pounds to really give the makeover of politics a new face. Sharon hangs up in anger. Olmert calls back begging for forgiveness, offering Sharon a back massage once a day for the next year. Sharon giggles but accepts.
- Olmert calls his daughter to check if she’s still a lesbian. She is and he asks if they are still on for their girls’ night marathon watching L-word.
- Olmert buys a toupee.
- Olmert buys another toupee.
- Olmert calls Sharon to ask him to come over and look at his toupees.
- Olmert and Sharon fight about his ugly toupees.
- Olmert calls his hairstylist.
What did I miss? Tell me what other conversations should be on this list. If Zaken can’t remember then it is our job to jog her memory.
The Big Felafel’s Guide to Passover Entertainment and Activities in Israel 2010
Lots of exciting Pre-Pesach and Pesach activities in Israel this year from art fairs to hippie festivals! If you have more to add, please leave a comment below.
Dancing Camel Pre-Pesach Giant Keg Party
March 25, 2010
Known for their creative beer flavors like Cherry Vanilla Stout and clever beer names like Goliath and Beelzebub, Dancing Camel is hosting a pre-Pesach Party with one entrance fee that lets you taste all the beers to your heart (liver?)’s content.
Doors Open at 20:00 Sharp!
Cost: 75 NIS enter, Reserve your tickets in advance click here to order tickets
Location: Hataasiya 12 (corner Hamasger) Tel Aviv. Tel: 03-624-2783
Osim Seder: A unique pre-Pesach crafts fair
March 26, 2010
Pesach crafts fair shopping extravaganza including recycled lamps, jewelry and fashion accessories, candlesticks, plants, kitchen and house items. There will also be huge second hand clothing swap! Feel free to bring your clothes to swap.
Location: Merkaz Hamagshimim Hadassah Beit Ar-El, 8 Gad St, Baka, Jerusalem.
10am-1pm
Free Entrance.
For more information Deena 02-6722405*114www.themerkaz.org
Stage One- Amateur English Theater Festival
March 31 to April 2 2010
This Passover, Beit Avi Chai in collaboration with Merkaz Hamagshimim Hadassah will spotlight the finest English-language drama, music, comedy, opera, and more that Jerusalem has to offer.
If you can only make it to one event, make sure to come to Hahafuch’s hilarious improv comedy show on April 1, 2010 at 9pm!
More info
Bezalel Street Arts and Crafts Fair
March 31 – April 2, 2010
Artists show off their crafts, jewelry, photography and more at this funky street festival.
10am to 3pm
Shatz St., downtown Jerusalem
Free Entrance
Ahava Festival at the Dead Sea
April 1, 2010, April 3, 2010
The annual Dead Sea festival featuring big name Israeli singers such as Natasha and friends, Barry Sakharof, Ivri Lider, and more.
More info
Zorba Buddha Festival in the Negev
April 1 – 4, 2010
This is an hippie-esque festival where you camp out and can partake in meditation and spirituality workshops, yoga, dance and theater workshops, djs, and performances by Mercedez Bend, Avraham Tal, and more.
Cost: 319 NIS
More info
Boombamela Festival at Nitzanim Beach
April 1-3, 2010
Celebrating its 12th year, Booombamela is another camp-out, hippie-type festival with big name music performers such as Geva Alon, Hatikva 6, and more.
The festival offers various workshops and entertainment such as street theater, body painting, interactive art, pottery, holistic and meditation workshops, and more.
Cost: 195 NIS
More info
Cherry Blossom Festival in the Golan
March 26 – April 10, 2010
Acitivites for the whole family including: Horse rides, origami workshops, kite building, Japanese makeup, Japanese food and drink.
Free Entrance
More info
Eco Social Awareness Festival: The World is in your Hands, Rishon Letzion
April 1-2, 2010
Festival featuring art and activities to raise awareness about the environment such as Noah’s ark made out of plastic bottles, and more.
Free Entrance
More info
For more fun ideas for Passover activities in Israel
- Achbar Ha’ir Guide to Pesach - Huge and complete listing of activities around Israel (in Hebrew)
- Fun in Jerusalem for kids activities in Jerusalem
- Jerusalem Blueprint for a listing of activities around Israel geared toward people in their 20′s -40′s
- Jerusalem.com for a guide to events in Jerusalem
[Matzah Kippah Photo from Flickr: Daniel Greene]
Israel and the US: Fake Friends…Dude Accept it!
Why is the US making such a big deal out of last week’s declaration to build more homes in Jerusalem? Is it because it embarrassed Vice President Biden during his trip in Israel? I mean dude get over it. No, what I believe we have here is more likely a case of Fake Friends.
Here’s all I’m saying: I have friends that I really like and friends that are in my circle but I’m not so close to. If my ‘fake friend’ in the circle does something that annoys me then it drives me crazy. I can’t stop thinking about it, it changes the whole way I look at the person and makes me want to push them further out of my circle. But if a good friend did the same thing that annoyed me, I really wouldn’t care or make a big deal out of it. They are a good friend and I know them so it really doesn’t affect me and we move on.
Let’s cut the crap and call Israel and the US what they really are: Fake Friends. The US is always bashing Israel for making minor mistakes and even when we admit to the mistake, try to fix the mistake and move on there seems to be an endless amount of repercussions even leading to Israel’s ambassador to the US, Michael Oren stating that our relations are the worst in 35 years. This sounds like a case of fake friends and not just bad relations.
Case in point: Hey didn’t the Palestinians just fire kassam rockets into Israel this past week? Why yes they did. And where was the US- were they condemning their actions and telling them how this destroys any chance for peace and the process? Well I certainly didn’t read about it in the news and it hasn’t been coming out of Hilary Clinton’s mouth or Obama’s so I’m guessing they’re ok with it.
And that is because the US is playing favorites in their friend circle. I get it and it’s clear, Israel is a fake friend. You don’t want us to prosper, you don’t want us to build homes and you get us in trouble for doing the most minor of mistakes while the other side has blatantly begun violent attacks from kassam rockets to rioting in the Old City, a classic beginning-of-the-Intifada move.
I think good relations or bad relations, what does it really matter? As a fake friend you will always remain inside the circle and when you are needed then you edge closer to the juicy middle where you are appreciated but just know you will always do something to piss off your fake friend and end up on the outskirts again. That’s not diplomacy it’s just obvious.
If Israel and the US were Facebook friends, then we would need to create a status called fake friends (to tell you the truth this should already be an option since I clearly have ‘friends’ that I never talk to, like ever).
Israel needs to accept this status and go with it. Let’s focus on our better friends, the ones that like us, even if they are few and far a part (and I can’t think of any right now). Let’s hang out with them, have slumber parties, girl talk, bake and roast marshmallows. And as for the US let’s keep our distance, and continue to build homes for our people, protect our children and enjoy the fruits of our country’s success. Cause if we don’t, no one will.
Happy Purim 2010! Special Jerusalem Festivities!
It’s time to put on your gigantic over-sized sunglasses, afro wig, fairy wings, cape or whatever it is that you’re planning for this Purim and start searching for the perfect place to hang out this Purim of 2010! My friend asked me to share a special Purim event this year in Jerusalem. For a full guide to Purim 2010 in Jerusalem, check out The Jerusalem Blueprint.
Special Guest Writer Nava Rosenbloom:
Purim is a time to flip things around, so do something a bit different this Year! Cafe Alexander is hosting a Megilla reading followed by a Purim party featuring the vivacious, soulful rock of Optimystical. Get all your Purim drinking, partying, grooving and costuming done with a classy ambiance.
There’s a bar, delicious food and indoor/outdoor seating. And if you think you have the most creative costume this year, Cafe Alexander will give you a 75 shekel credit at the cafe if they think you’re right.
Sunday, February 28 8pm-1am
Megilla reading – 20:00
Live music – 21:00
40 NIS entrance fee includes—
- Glass of spiked Purim punch
- Alexander’s famous gourmet coffee (coffee voucher valid for one week)
- Hamantashen
Cafe Alexander is located at 3 Yanai St. Jerusalem which is up the block from Mamila Mall and Hotel. Its on the corner of Yanai and King Shlomo Street which is the continuation of King David Street.
For more info: 02 625 6018 or marc@cafe-alexander.com
To get you in the mood, here is Hahafuch’s hilarious Purim video!!
HaHaפuch Comedy Show- Just the Beginning!!
Well, the HaHaפuch Comedy troupe had our first show and we are already looking forward to the next one in March. The show, a mix of improv, sketches, videos, musical guest and immigrant innovation spotlight interview, finally got to share with the world, or at least the people in the audience how funny we find Israel to be. From our sketches on the new creation of Hummus in a Bag and the Stacy Spin-off Show (via Srugim) to a Q&A with the Rabbanout and our satirical news segment, we have only just begun our humor attack on
Israeli life.
Check out some of our videos from the show and let us know if you have any ideas for Israeli sketches. We want to hear from you about daily life experiences from job interviews to bureaucratic fights, to delicious food and bad dates. We 
plan to perform once a month at The Merkaz Hamagshimim Theater still at the same location in the German Colony. Every month will be a whole new show of improv, sketches, musical guest and more.
Become a Fan of our Facebook page
Israel is Funny: The HaHaפuch Comedy Show Feb.11
Do you ever stand in line for the post office or bank or ministry of interior or just the bus and feel so stressed out that no one around you seems to know where the line begins and ends? And you want to scream, but instead you just elbow everyone because you’ve learned that’s how you get around in this country, or at least in these so-called lines? Then you get to the end of the line and rather than feeling relieved you feel overcome with emotion and want to cry or scream? Then later when you tell your friend the story, you are both laughing about it, because it is so ridiculous and your friend can tell you the same story?
Well, if you follow any of that, and agree, then you need to come to the HaHaפuch Comedy show on Thursday February 11th. The comedy show is a variety of improv, sketches and videos that aims at making fun of life here in Israel. We will also have a special musical guest, a cappella group Kolture Shock and even a special segment called Spotlight on Immigrant Innovation, which will feature a new immigrant 
who is doing something great here in Israel. For our first show we are featuring immigrant Jonathan Miller co-owner of Asif Winery in Arad. Did I mention he only made Aliyah in 2006? Awesome! Miller will do a free wine tasting before the show and will sell his delicious award-winning wine. The show starts at 8pm but doors open at 7:30pm and that is when the wine tasting will take place so I strongly suggest you come and get it! There will also be cheap beer to add to the fun.
We plan to perform once a month at our current venue at the Merkaz Hamgshimim Theater in the German Colony. Check out the cool flier they made for us! And to learn more check out our Facebook page. Oh, and here is a clip for all you Srugim lovers, Stacy wants you to come to our show too!
Remember, Israel is funny. And if you don’t think so then you haven’t seen our show.
