With Bush’s daughter hitched up, I think it’s time for daddy to take on some new growing pains. The pains I refer to are peace, politicians and Mexican restaurants (oh wait, that’s just my pain). Turns out that like most of the problems in the world, Bush plans to ignore the above mentioned issues and will be here to attend the prestigious President’s Conference, which almost every famous person has cancelled on.

All that said, I have once again obtained a top secret to-do list from the Foreign Ministry (I guess Livni is too busy trying to steal the Prime Minister position to care about little snoopers). Check out the preparation list that the country’s tax dollars will be spent on this time around.

And speaking of wasted money, did anyone notice the spectacular light show for Independence Day last week? I really enjoyed the big flashlight show. It reminded me of my days in camp when we use to shine our flash lights into the dark night-only I am guessing my flashlight did not cost as much as the super big bulbs that our tax money was wasted on. Oh, and lets not forget that these big lights had colors: Blue, white and green. The blue and white was for the Israeli flag and likewise, I assume, the green was for Hamas’ flag! I’m sure those lights will be used again…only this time as search lights for our tax dollars disappearing before our eyes.

Here is an excerpt from the Top Secret (shhhh!!!) Checklist:

1. Make sure new hummus flavored ice cream from Café Café is available and ready in the President’s suite
2. Buy Bush a map, since last time he thought Tel Aviv was a part of Jordan
3. Dust off the one stretch limo this country owns and make sure to actually put in the bullet proof windows this time
4. Invite Abu Mazen for a secret three-way at one of the four houses owned by Prime Minister Olmert that cost less than $1
5. Shut down all schools, banks (oh wait, they will probably be closed anyway) and public areas
6. Put a cop on every corner and make sure they too have plenty of hummus ice cream
7. Suck out some of the salt from the Dead Sea since Bush said it burned down there last time
8. Give Bush a private tour of the new Mall, Mamilla-make sure no one is there-oh wait, no one is ever there.

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The Omnivore’s Dilemma actually really ties into my whole attempt to be a bit greener. This is possibly one of the best books I’ve ever read and I’ve been recommending and talking about it to anyone who comes within shouting distance. Pollan discusses 4 types of meals you can eat: industrial, industrial organic, organic/grass-fed farms, and hunting/gathering. It opened my eyes as to what I put in my body and brings a whole new meaning to “you are what you eat”.

And, like most things that you become aware of, you start seeing related information everywhere. I was checking Janglo last week and noticed that someone wanted to share the delivery cost from an local organic farm. I wrote to her and asked about 1,303 questions - what kind of food can you get? how much does it cost? when do they deliver? etc. She directed me toward Teva Habsor (1800- 25- 90- 90) which is an organic farm in the Negev. When I asked where exactly they were located, she said ‘in the Kassam region’. She said that usually explained it best to people. Pretty sad. But I guess life goes on. The farm sends out an Excel pricing sheet on Sundays and delivers to Jerusalem on Tuesdays; to Tel Aviv on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; Negev area on Thursdays [from honey]. The best ‘deal’ from the farm seems to be a box of seasonal vegetables for 110 shekels which includes delivery. This seems a little steep, especially compared to the prices at the shuk. I guess a better comparison would be with the supermarkets, where the produce is unbelievably overpriced.

However, The Omnivore’s Dilemma talks about the bigger idea of cost, meaning that the prices at the shuk may seem cheaper but we end up paying for it indirectly. We pay for cheap produce through higher taxes for healthcare because of new food-related diseases, polluted water from insecticides and synthetic fertilizers, and fossil fuels used in the transportation of our food. Currently, I’m not sure that buying only organic is financially possible on an Israeli salary, but I’m excited to try it hopefully once a month and come home to a box of seasonal and locally made produce. Did I mention that this book was awesome?

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Going green is really trendy right now, at least in New York City which I visited less than 2 weeks ago, and slowly but surely, it’s starting to spread in Israel. I’ve always recycled my plastic bottles and papers without even thinking twice, but I never really ventured much beyond that. During my trip, it occurred to me that I could be trying a little harder. I noticed that during the course of hanging out with my friends in the big apple, the word tote starting popping up in conversations. “I have some extra totes, do you need one” “shoot.. I forgot my tote” This was the first time I heard my friends talking about totes and other things they’re doing to be more environmentally conscious.

So I joined in, packed a few totes and was determined to use them upon my return to Israel. However, when put to the test, I have to admit that cutting down on plastic bags in the shuk was not particularly easy. For one, plastic bags are one of the very few things you can get for free in Israel so people load up on plastic bags to their heart’s content. Personally, I couldn’t figure out how to weigh 30 tomatoes without using a plastic bag. Also, the fear of tomato juice forming at the bottom of my tote didn’t seem so appealing either. And I use the bags for garbage.. how does that factor in? I think I need an environmental coach to help me figure everything out. But, I’m not giving up, I will continue to use the tote as much as possible even though it doesn’t seem so practical at times. I’m open to suggestions on how to better use the tote. Now that we’ve said tote 7 times, I think we can move on - stay tuned for Part 2 where I’ll show you how to get down and dirty aka where and what to recycle.

Here’s some articles and blogs that might inspire you to change your habits and some articles that may depress you as you learn about the state of our environment. Either way, just being aware of everything that is going on is a huge step forward.

Recent headlines featured the following environmental concerns:

• Dumping costs v. getting people to go out of their way to recycle
• Water Crisis in Israel
• Environment awareness shameful

Recent initiative:

• Solar Paneled buildings

Not-as-recent but cool initiative:

• NYTimes reports on a Herzilya theme park created with recycled materials
  

For daily reading on environmental tips, I recommend the following blogs:

• The Green Prophet - This is a blog specifically about going green in Israel and little things we can do to help the environment.
• TreeHugger - everything green- tips, news, products.
• 50 Ways to Help the Planet - self explanatory

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How?

The first video, “Moses Rap,” is informative and the lyrics are super catchy. I listen to it before I clean each room (or before I will clean each room) and then when I clean, I sing the chorus. This is the “whistle while you work,” part. I mean, does it get cooler than that?

The second video, Matzah Ball Rap, is just what the doctor order for those truly tough cleaning jobs. Instead of pulling out your hair, wondering how you will get the sticky syrup stuck in the back of your fridge clean, try watching this video for a good laugh. One chuckle and you’ll forget why you were so upset and look forward to the battle of the syrup. Well, maybe not look forward to it, but at least you will have laughed and that helps reduce some of the stress. Did I mention that the song is a parody of the rap by Sir Mix-a-lot’s, “Baby Got Back”?

I hope you enjoy these two videos and that they inspire you to do your own version of whistle while you work. This raps are also great to just listen to and send to friends and family!

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1. Tashlumim - Paying in installments. For example, you go to the supermarket and buy pasta and sauce. At the checkout they ask you if you would like to pay regular or in installments. 9 times out of 10 Israelis will say yes to the tashlumim. Are all these Israelis really living from month to month or has society seduced them into the illusion that they are spending less by dividing up the payments?
2. Magenta hair - In America, women tend to get blonder as they get older, but here in Israel, women get magenta-er. The shades range from maybe-it’s-brown to the bubble-gum variety. I guess they figure, everyone can tell it’s dyed, mind’s well beat the system by showing off.
   
3. Decorating cars for weddings - Decorating a car for newlyweds is a must in Israel. Even if you protest and say you don’t really care, it is guaranteed that your car will be decorated and will follow strict decorating guidelines. First, it must be decked out in ribbon, not balloons. The ribbon must go in two strands across the length of the car and taped down every 3 inches creating a rippled effect.
   And now for an interesting episode that I encountered with the decorated British car in the photo below. A few Shabbats ago, we were eating in the park when we heard a police car shouting over a megaphone. They warned the owner of this taxi-lookin’ car to come down or they would open the car by force. And they did! They duct-taped the driver-seat window and then cut out the window using a special knife. As a huge crowd gathered, we just watched, confused, as the police searched every inch of the car and then proceeded to tow it away. As my good friends from The Mighty Wind would say, “Wha happen?!” So curious…
4. Construction - With expensive luxury apartments going up left and right, Jerusalem is feared to turn into a ghost town, with Americans only visiting during the holidays. In the meantime, we can look forward to getting hit on by the construction workers on our walk to work.
   
5. Honking before the light turns green - I’m not sure who thought it would be a good idea to make the light turn yellow before it turns green, but it has caused the most unbelievable anxiety in traffic. As soon as people feel the yellow light coming, they already start honking. Before it even turns green
   !
6. Traffic Circles - They just love ‘em. And if you want to see the mother of all traffic circles, check out the double laned one on the corner of Pierre Koening and Hatenufa(?) in Talpiot. I still can’t figure out who is supposed to go where and when.
   
7. Techno Music - It doesn’t matter where you are - hippie fest by the Sea of Galilee, watching Nolad Lirkod (Born to Dance) on TV, or eating in a religious-owned felafel joint, Techno music is everywhere. It just manages to take over every possible scenario. What ever happened to the good ol’ days of YoYa?
8. Funny lookin’ cars - Oh, man, it makes me laugh again just looking at it. I have never seen these types of cars anywhere except for Israel. I guess it is the equivalent of a mini-van.. of sorts.

I’m sure I’m missing lots so if you’re feeling generous add your own “Stuff Israeli people like” in the comments.

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I heard someone knocking at the door, and when I opened it, my neighbor asked me if my cat was stuck in the tree in the back of the building. What?!

Luckily, Yosh(my cat) was right next to me, but I ran to the porch to see what was going on. And, what do you know, a cat stuck in the tree. I thought this was reserved for fake news shows or children’s books- but here I was, looking at the real live thing.

As we nervously looked on and rooted for the cat, we placed a call to the fire department - Number 102 in Israel. But, the menu was too complicated! After giving up on the fire department we took front row seats to this hold-on-to-your-chairs pay-per-view event and watched the cat carefully strategize his way down the tree. As soon as it landed, we clapped and cheered like idiots! And noticed that we got some weird looks from neighbors popping out to see what all the fuss was about.

In case you missed it, here’s a link to my Phobservation #1: Are Israeli mopeds made of Legos?

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How much money should you give at a wedding? Um.. awkward. Probably a taboo subject, but not for Israelis! Kama Kesef is an online calculator that gives you an objective view of how much money to give at weddings or other occasions. It factors in how close of friends you are, time of year, where it’s being held, and other criteria. I don’t really see how the time of year plays a role. I guess halls are more expensive in different seasons, but I can’t imagine that it would affect how much someone gives as a present. But who am I to judge the almighty wedding present calculator?

I tried it out, making up the following info: a not so close friend, September wedding, held in a hall, and found out the appropriate amount to give would be 234 shekels. When I asked around, people told me the real going rate is 150-200 for young people. Who to trust…

The site is in Hebrew and only works in Internet Explorer (surprise surprise). I heard about it a few times, but thanks to a comment on a post in What War Zone, I finally got around to writing it up.

Here’s a screenshot from the Kama Kesef calculator:

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1. - The Jerusalem Blueprint takes after the New York version - NYBluePrint, a Jewish newspaper focusing on events happening in the Jewish community. It is the most comprehensive listing of Jerusalem events that I’ve come across and severely underpublicized. The secret is out.

2. - Oh Janglo, where would I be today without you? The addictive Jerusalem message board has its own calendar for events happening all over Israel, not just Jerusalem.

3. - Go Jerusalem, which I covered earlier, is Nir Barkat’s baby, and is a good reference for events happening in Jerusalem and also features lists of bars, restaurants, and other touristy stuff. This is where I found out about the soup festival. As Danny pointed out in the comments, good call on the dome of the rock - subliminal messages, Nir?

Who said 3? I’ll find you.. I meant 5. So here’s a bonus:

4. Jerusalemite is the new kid in town and is still in Beta. It is a cultural guide to Jerusalem and so far it looks like a really fun and energetic site, making me want to run out and find new places to explore. It will take a lot of effort to keep it updated and fresh, but I for one will appreciate it.

5. Jerusalem Municipality - If you can navigate your way through this site in English or Hebrew and find all the details about an event happening in Jerusalem, you get a big high five. I was hesitant about listing this site because I find it confusing and try to use it as little as possible. But, I gueeesss it’s the official site of Jerusalem, so I should really include it.

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Her music is awesome and getting praise, not to mention air time, all over the world. And because I don’t want to be the only one with an inappropriate girl crush, I have attached links below so you can have one too (unless you’re a boy and then it is just a crush).

LINKS!                                            

Listen to Yashanti at http://www.myspace.com/yaelnaim
Watch the video for New Soul at

Watch the video for her version of Britney Spear’s Toxic at

Check out Yael Naim’s website and make sure to read her bio at http://www.yaelweb.com/
Read about her Best New Album award at http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3517130,00.html

Don’t you love when an Israeli is in the news and it is not about lies, the political situation or terrorism!

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When my co-blogger (and skinny friend) Becca, sent me a link to Prime Minister Olmert’s blog, I thought, that’s creepy. I mean it is not like he is sitting at Café Hillel, drinking the cheapest coffee he could find on the menu, and typing a post about his tough day on the job. In fact, it is more believable that the government probably hired a professional writer, who sits at Café Hillel, drinking the cheapest coffee on the menu, writing posts about Olmert’s tough day on the job.

But, forget Olmert and his lame attempt to be one of the cool kids (everyone cool has a blog- duh), now Shin Bet is trying to get in on the trend. While the organization says it is using the blog as a merger attempt to recruit techies, this blogger can’t help but wonder, “what the hell is going on?”

Lets get a few things straight. The Shin Bet bloggers are going to gossip about the workplace, preach about the great benefits and tells us how to apply for a job; but, they will never reveal their identities, secret security information or the truth—so what is the point? It just all seems a little much for my taste. Can you really imagine a Shin Bet techie cracking top secret codes and then writing a blog about how neat it is to work underground?

I feel like I missed a report in the news about a new Blog Committee in the Knesset. Did you hear about the committee? It seems like their goal is to waste tax payers’ money and create lame blogs for each government sector. At this rate we can expect lame blogs from the Foreign Ministry, Education and the Pensioners (first they have to learn how to use the internet).

That’s a lot of cheap coffee.

As I too work for an “FBI” type of agency, I was able to get my hands on Shin Bet Agent ?’s blog. Here is a short excerpt from today’s post:

“Today I had coffee from the NIS 2 machine. Except when you work for Shin Bet, the coffee is only NIS 1. Cool huh? Think about it, you can have two coffees a day instead of one. That’s why I love this job. Also, sometimes they bring us the same meals as the Prime Minister. They taste awesome. We are supposed to be checking them for any trace of poison, but most of the time we don’t find anything and can take the plate home with us. Tell me what other job has benefits like these?”

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